Road Trip: Calgary Comic Con and Expo

As you know I am a faithful attendee of Calgary Comic Con and Expo and on April 27th I made my third trip in as many years. I took my oldest and his best friend (the drummer in his band) and my youngest so it was a regular hot dog cart headed up the #2.

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Check that pic out – this is how you start a road trip. I’m a Tim’s man from way back. Hot as hell, sweet as love, black as death. I actually don’t put any sugar or sweetener in it but it’s still sweet to me.

Highlights of the trip up:

Man, the stuff you hear when the kids are trapped in the car with you and just sort of forget that you are there.

  • “My cousin (name deleted) smoked a whole cigarette, then stole $100 from his dad’s wallet to go buy a slurpee. He runs around naked all the time too. That kid – he don’t give a fuck. He’s 5 now, turns 6 soon – then shit’s gonna get real”
  • “A girl in our school has chlamydia. She’s 18 though – a super senior. It’s to be expected.”
  • “My boss fake-fired me. He does this shit to everyone. He’s a drama major and does it with a straight face. Let’s fake beat him to death i.e stop when he’s crying and incontinent with fear and see how he laughs that shit off, the fucker!”
  • Farting and singing “Dust in the Wind” by Kansas …. isn’t that funny really.
  • “Have you sold any more stories?”

Ah shit. They remembered I was there.

In addition the three did a super job of the “Afternoon Delight” scene from Anchorman – the dialogue was spot on, the effects accurate to a fault, and their vocal harmonization … sublime.

Comic Con Highlights:

  • He’s still alive? Weird Al Yankovic.
  • British artist Simon Bisley had a sign up saying “Accepting donations for beer and hookers” and was drawing on spec for people on poster board with a felt pen. He chatted amiably the whole time. Super guy and a fantastic artist.
  • He’s still alive? John Rhys Davies
  • $9999 for an authentic “Orcrist” from WETW – $1300 more for the scabbard.
  • Best costume: A Minecraft Alice in Wonderland – how they pixel-ated the foam rubber mask I’ll never know. Sorry – I don’t have a pic.
  • He’s still alive: John Carpenter. Super short line up for Carpenter – one of the few “celebs” I’d want to meet but I’m not paying $40 for anyone’s autograph – not when it could go to Bisley’s beer and hooker fund.
  • Here’s a tip: Wear comfortable shoes.
  • Walk in Tattoo Shop – with a book of Celebrity Autographs so you could get your favorite celeb’s autograph on any part of your anatomy for evermore. More on that below.
  • Shorter than you would think: Casper van Diem (“Starship Troopers”) and Chris Sarandon (“Princess Bride”)
  • About as tall as you would think: Peter Dinklage.
  • Worst Costume: Tie – any of the Banes who might have been the biggest guy at their Saturday LAN parties with all the other guys who have never been to a gym but in real life are like Grandma’s feather bed: 6 feet tall, 4 feet wide, and soft as a downy chick. I did see one good one though.
  • Narrowly avoided disaster: A Wonder Woman who appeared to be about 5 ran into me from behind while talking on a cell phone.
  • Still makes me laugh every time: The Wanted: Schrodinger’s Cat. (Dead & Alive) tee shirts.
  • Hey! Good news!  My old Savage Sword of Conan comics that I paid $3.50 for new are now worth …. $5. Minimum!
  • I told you he was still alive: Stan Lee. I actually didn’t see him there – his sessions were at a different time than I was around.

All in all Comic Con was a lot of fun. I think the organizers learned from last year and entry/exit was tightly controlled but smooth. It was busy in there – no doubt – but you could move around and breathe.

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THIS. IS. SPART … Actually it’s a small boy in a helmet.

I love comics/graphics and for me the show is about cruising the artist’s aisles and the vendor stalls. I understand it’s TV and Film that brings in the bacon though. I don’t resent anyone selling their autograph but I personally won’t pay for one. As for getting someone’s autograph tattooed on me?

WTF?

I’d rather dry-shave my man parts with a rusty skate blade.

But if that’s your thing y’all go on and knock yourself out. (The autographs – not the dry-shaving.)

At any rate – I’m going to next year’s for sure!

That’s all for now folks – I’ll be back after I fight my evil clone to the death in an epic battle on the roof of an abandoned factory.

My name is Steve Passey and I write fiction.

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