As you know I am a faithful attendee of Calgary Comic Con and Expo and on April 27th I made my third trip in as many years. I took my oldest and his best friend (the drummer in his band) and my youngest so it was a regular hot dog cart headed up the #2.
Check that pic out – this is how you start a road trip. I’m a Tim’s man from way back. Hot as hell, sweet as love, black as death. I actually don’t put any sugar or sweetener in it but it’s still sweet to me.
Highlights of the trip up:
Man, the stuff you hear when the kids are trapped in the car with you and just sort of forget that you are there.
- “My cousin (name deleted) smoked a whole cigarette, then stole $100 from his dad’s wallet to go buy a slurpee. He runs around naked all the time too. That kid – he don’t give a fuck. He’s 5 now, turns 6 soon – then shit’s gonna get real”
- “A girl in our school has chlamydia. She’s 18 though – a super senior. It’s to be expected.”
- “My boss fake-fired me. He does this shit to everyone. He’s a drama major and does it with a straight face. Let’s fake beat him to death i.e stop when he’s crying and incontinent with fear and see how he laughs that shit off, the fucker!”
- Farting and singing “Dust in the Wind” by Kansas …. isn’t that funny really.
- “Have you sold any more stories?”
Ah shit. They remembered I was there.
In addition the three did a super job of the “Afternoon Delight” scene from Anchorman – the dialogue was spot on, the effects accurate to a fault, and their vocal harmonization … sublime.
Comic Con Highlights:
- He’s still alive? Weird Al Yankovic.
- British artist Simon Bisley had a sign up saying “Accepting donations for beer and hookers” and was drawing on spec for people on poster board with a felt pen. He chatted amiably the whole time. Super guy and a fantastic artist.
- He’s still alive? John Rhys Davies
- $9999 for an authentic “Orcrist” from WETW – $1300 more for the scabbard.
- Best costume: A Minecraft Alice in Wonderland – how they pixel-ated the foam rubber mask I’ll never know. Sorry – I don’t have a pic.
- He’s still alive: John Carpenter. Super short line up for Carpenter – one of the few “celebs” I’d want to meet but I’m not paying $40 for anyone’s autograph – not when it could go to Bisley’s beer and hooker fund.
- Here’s a tip: Wear comfortable shoes.
- Walk in Tattoo Shop – with a book of Celebrity Autographs so you could get your favorite celeb’s autograph on any part of your anatomy for evermore. More on that below.
- Shorter than you would think: Casper van Diem (“Starship Troopers”) and Chris Sarandon (“Princess Bride”)
- About as tall as you would think: Peter Dinklage.
- Worst Costume: Tie – any of the Banes who might have been the biggest guy at their Saturday LAN parties with all the other guys who have never been to a gym but in real life are like Grandma’s feather bed: 6 feet tall, 4 feet wide, and soft as a downy chick. I did see one good one though.
- Narrowly avoided disaster: A Wonder Woman who appeared to be about 5 ran into me from behind while talking on a cell phone.
- Still makes me laugh every time: The Wanted: Schrodinger’s Cat. (Dead & Alive) tee shirts.
- Hey! Good news! My old Savage Sword of Conan comics that I paid $3.50 for new are now worth …. $5. Minimum!
- I told you he was still alive: Stan Lee. I actually didn’t see him there – his sessions were at a different time than I was around.
All in all Comic Con was a lot of fun. I think the organizers learned from last year and entry/exit was tightly controlled but smooth. It was busy in there – no doubt – but you could move around and breathe.
THIS. IS. SPART … Actually it’s a small boy in a helmet.
I love comics/graphics and for me the show is about cruising the artist’s aisles and the vendor stalls. I understand it’s TV and Film that brings in the bacon though. I don’t resent anyone selling their autograph but I personally won’t pay for one. As for getting someone’s autograph tattooed on me?
I’d rather dry-shave my man parts with a rusty skate blade.
But if that’s your thing y’all go on and knock yourself out. (The autographs – not the dry-shaving.)
At any rate – I’m going to next year’s for sure!
That’s all for now folks – I’ll be back after I fight my evil clone to the death in an epic battle on the roof of an abandoned factory.
My name is Steve Passey and I write fiction.