Well, we’re well into 2015, so I thought I’d better summarize social media for you:
Facebook: A membership group for middle-aged women who hate stupid people (apparently everywhere), but love their amazing sisters, amazing mothers, amazing cousins, and of course their amazing friends, (and post endless memes accordingly,) but not quite as much as they love wine.
Instagram: This is where the kids all went when their parents got on Facebook. Instagram can be summarized as follows: Many pictures, of many people, who are neither photogenic nor doing anything interesting.
Twitter: 99% Kardashian, 1% troll. Or vice-versa.The Revolution? It ain’t happenin’ here and never was.
Snapchat: When the cops come and ask for your son/daughter and seize the cell phone you got them so you could keep track of them – Snapchat is why.
Reddit: I have limited experience with Reddit, but it reminds me a bit of those ant-farms you could buy as a kid. Lots going on. Here, there, everywhere, including a riot in Block D, section 7, but unless you’re in it you won’t know about it.
Pinterest: Two Words. 1) “Hen,” 2) “Party.” Crafty. More self-affirmation memes posted over and over and over. It’s not that men aren’t welcome here, not at all, but you don’t see many women at model train conventions either.
Blogs et al: Imagine crickets chirping by a babbling brook in a picturesque ghost-town.
Tumblr: A surviving subsection of blogging consisting of weird porn, by which I mean the theft of images from other sites regrouped according to the Tumblr-er’s proclivities.
Google+: What’s Google+? Anyone know? Can someone help me here? Anyone? Do I have the right name?
LinkedIn: All of the blah blah blah you hate about the office but no free coffee. One of the few remaining stalking tools out there though. Might be time to reactivate my profile.
Youtube/GoodReads: Not truly social media but via comments and reviews there is a limited degree of social interaction. By “social interaction” I mean badly-spelled threats of violence and cries of outrage, (often ridiculed as “butthurt”), repeated ad infinitum.
There you have it – if there is other social media out there I’m, not hep to it, so I’ll probably be back with some vacuous assertions in the not-too distant future when I catch up.
Remember peeps, throw out your cell phone. smash your HD cable box, pay for everything in quarters, eat red meat, and burn diesel.
Life is as short as it is unpleasant,