Top Ten Reasons I didn’t Message You On That Dating Website

Internet Dating: Visualized

Internet Dating: Visualized

In no particular order:

  1. Ewwwww
  2. You have “Man hands”
  3. Just how many dogs do you own? Can you get along with people? Don’t answer – it’s a rhetorical question. I already know the answer.
  4. You have a mean face, possibly because of/compounded with “Crazy Eyes”
  5. You look like an Ex of mine
  6. You are an Ex of mine
  7. Pic is not a selfie … which means it must be 5 years old meaning you’ve doubled in size since then in real life
  8. You look like my cousin
  9. You are my cousin
  10. You’re a dude – no judgement, but you are on the wrong side of the app, buddy

Bonus Round: I saw you on two other dating sites 4 years ago, and although I’m on/off these things as needs be I’m pretty sure you have been on the whole time.

There ya go blog readers. Remember: Hail Satan, drink coffee.

I’ll return shortly, like a Velvet Elvis that get’s “re-gifted” through the family every Christmas.



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