You Prurient Bastards

Just a quick note to note something:

If I post some gag post on astrology (low hanging fruit) or erotica ( stuff found on the ground) I get 10x the views I do when I post links to my stories.

I say 10x to make myself feel good – it’s actually more than that.

Dear Readers: I guess I have to say …. you know how daddy likes it.

Don’t stop.



Phrases You Should Avoid When Writing Erotica


When writing erotica, please avoid using the following phrases/euphemisms/terminology by all means necessary:

  • Like a screen door in a hurricane
  • Baloney Pony
  • Banged the shit out of
  • Strange burning sensation
  • Humping
  • Prayer Group
  • Glissade
  • Expresso (‘Espresso’ is fine)
  • Eight minutes of furious mediocrity
  • Squish Biscuit
  • Journaling
  • For King and Country!
  • Stump
  • The smell of fear
  • Frenetic
  • Republican Primary
  • Uphill
  • Drum Circle
  • Downhill
  • Rumpelstiltskin
  • Anything that rhymes with “Rumpelstiltskin”
  • Smidgen
  • Pork ninja
  • Octopus
  • Porked
  • Country-style
  • Blog
  • Fat as fuck

Seriously – don’t write these or it’ll kill your shit. Your story becomes very put down-able.

If you can think of any others post ’em up in the comments.

Rock on compadres, I shall return to throw some horns and rock out in the very near future, after I finish rocking out and throwing some horns,



One Inch of Air

My short story “one inch of Air” is live @ Tracer Publishing today.

You can read it Here

I’ve always wondered if hypothermia set in faster than drowning. I believe it does, but read the story and let me know what you think.

Much thanks to Alex Brown of Tracer for accepting the piece and putting it up.