Your Daily Horoscope, by Hillbilly Hare

Hillbilly Hare

The greatest cartoon of all time – OF ALL TIME – came out on August 12, 1950. As August 12th is a Saturday and posting anything on a blog on a weekend guarantees that it won’t be read I’m posting this here, now, and calling it an anniversary celebration for that most august of hand-painted animation cel achievements.

I’d cooked this up a couple of days ago and submitted it to a very well-known humor website (“humour” if you prefer) and it was rejected – the editor professed to love it but was worried that the source materiel would be too obscure for a modern audience.

He is probably right – but I like it no matter what.  Now bow to your partner …

Your Daily Horoscope, by Hillbilly Hare

Aries:

Three hands up and round you go, break it up with a dosey do. Chicken in the bread pan kicking out dough. Skip to the Lou my darling.

Leo:

The old lady out, you pretty little thing, promenade around the ring. Big foot up and little foot down, make that big foot jar the ground.

Sagittarius:

Lady step back and two gents in, back you go and forward again. Step right up with an elbow swing.

Taurus:

Allemande left with the old left hand; follow through with a right-left grand. Meet your honey with a great big smile.

 Virgo:

Promenade across the floor. Sashay right on out the door. Out of the door and into the glade. Everybody promenade.

Capricorn:

 Step right up, you’re doing fine. You pull their beard they’ll pull thine. Yank it again like you did before, and then break it up with a tug o’ war.

Gemini:

Get into the brook and fish for the trout. Dive right in and splash about. Trout, trout, pretty little trout. One more splash then come right out.

Libra:

Shake like a hound dog, shake again. Wallow around in the ol’ pig pen. Wallow some more, y’all know how. Roll around like an ol’ fat sow.

Aquarius:

Allemande left with your left hand. Follow through with a right-left grand. Leave your partner, the dirty ol’ thing. Follow through with an elbow swing.

Cancer:

Grab a fence post, hold it tight. Womp your partner with all your might. Hit him in the chin. Hit him in the head. Hit him again, that critter ain’t dead.

Scorpio:

Womp him low and womp him high. Stick your finger in his eye. Pretty little rhythm, pretty little sound, bang your head against the ground.

Pisces:

Whirl, whirl, twist and twirl. Jump around like a flying squirrel. Don’t you cuss and don’t you swear. Just come out and form a square

There it is – your daily horoscope, by Hillbilly Hare.

Stay cool readers reader – I’ll be back soon enough. You know, in a sad attempt to keep my blog alive I was considering telling the story about how I ordered a large black coffee at the McDonald’s inside of the Walmart here the other day but they were out of large cups so they gave me an extra-large at no additional charge – a 25-cent savings to me – but then I thought about the Hillbilly Hare piece.

Hare-piece. Say it fast.

That’s awesome.

Think of this is your 25-cents!

Steve

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Your Daily Horoscope, by Hillbilly Hare

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